Hebrews 13:4-6 “Contentment in Marriage & Means”

Translation & Sermon by Nate Wilson for Christ the Redeemer Church of Manhattan, KS, 23 Feb. 2019

Intro

• We live in a chronically-discontent culture.

  • Nobody is content with their wages; the government seems to be hiking up the minimum wage more and more frequently.

  • And nobody is content with their marital status:

    • the married folks complain about their spouse

    • and the unmarried folks complain that they don’t have a spouse,

    • and everybody is lusting over everybody else.

• The institutions of marriage and of business are being systematically undermined by radical feminists and socialists who are bent on removing marriage and family and private industry altogether. Consider these quotes:

  • “[T]he nuclear family must be destroyed...” ~Linda Gordon

  • “We can’t destroy the inequities between men and women until we destroy marriage.” ~Robin Morgan

  • “We must work to destroy [marriage]… The end of the institution of marriage is a necessary condition for the liberation of women.”~Helen Sullinger

• Does Christianity have an answer? Yes! And it’s in Hebrews chapter 13.

  • We looked at the first three verses last Lord’s Day about how to exercise Christian love toward brothers (in v. 1), toward strangers (in v. 2), and toward the persecuted (in v. 3).

  • Now, after speaking of brotherly-love among church members, the apostle moves on to married love with this bold statement:

v.4 Marriage should be an honorable thing in all respects, and the marriage-bed an undefiled thing¹, but God will judge adulterers and sexually immoral persons.

• Now, to put in context how bold this statement is, the other three times that this word “un­defiled” are used in the Bible, it refers to Jesus (Heb. 7:26), to true worship (Jas. 1:27), and to our heavenly inheritance (1 Pet. 1:4). How can it be that married love attains to a place among such heavenly, divine things?

  • Back in the first century, the Apostle Paul had to state – not once but – twice in 1 Corinth­ians 7, that it is not a sin to get married, and he also had to command them there not to deprive one another sexually once they did get married!

  • He also had to warn Timothy: “Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron, forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from foods which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and know the truth.” (1Tim. 4:1-3, NKJV)

  • Why would the apostles have to say these things?

  • Colossians 2:16-21 describes a philosophy that was apparently popular among Jews who had rejected Jesus as the Messiah. It held that spiritual things were, by nature, good, while material things were, by nature, bad, so the less interaction you had with things in the physical world the closer to God and more blessed you would be. Thus they didn’t get married, and if they did get married, they avoided touching their spouse physically.

  • There were also Greeks who took the same philosophy in a different direction, doing whatever sexual sin they wanted with their bodies, believing that the physical body was essentially unspir­itual and unimportant to God (1 Cor. 6:13).

  • The Apostles had to come down against these heresies and emphasize the fleshly, human nature of Jesus Himself, and how He made clean the physi­cal things and persons He had created, and how He bought with His blood our bodies as well as our souls and made our fleshly bodies into walking temples of His Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 3:16, Col 1:22).

  • In my generation, it was easy to form the impression that married love was dirty and some­how shameful. The media carefully avoided any reference to it, no decent person ever talked about it; the only people who actually talked about sex were the “bad” kids, and the only places it was portrayed were bad places where it would be shameful to get caught.

  • The generation after me seems to have had a different experience, in which sexuality is so often discussed and portrayed in so many mainstream channels that there seems to be nothing special about married love any more, which is also a terrible problem.

  • We need to hear God telling us that marriage is a precious thing worthy of honor and that there is nothing dirty or shameful about going to bed with your spouse.

• There is, however something dirty and shameful about sexual immorality, and not just due to social disapproval but due to offending God and incurring His punishment: “God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers!”

  • Romans 13:10-14 “Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. And do this, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light. Let us walk properly, as in the day, not in revelry and drunkenness, not in lewdness [κοίταις – sleeping around] and lust, not in strife and envy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.” (NKJV)

  • 1 Corinthians 5:9-13 “I wrote to y'all in the letter not to mix together with immoral persons [πόρνοις] – not with all the immoral people of this world, or with the greedy [ πλεονέκταις] and thieves or idol-worshippers (in that case you would have to go out of the world!), but now I write to y'all not to mix together with anyone if, while called a brother, he is being immoral or greedy or an idol-worshipper or an abusive [speaker] or drunkard or thief – not even to eat together with such. For what is it to me to judge those outside? Is it not those who are inside that you yourselves judge? But God judges those outside, so remove the evil from among yourselves.” ... 6:9-11 “Or have y'all not known that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the immoral nor idol worshipers, nor adulterers [μοιχοὶ], nor gays nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards nor abusive [speakers] nor graspers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of y'all, but you washed yourselves, but you were made holy, but you were made righteous in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.” (NAW)

  • Ephesians 5:1-8 “Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma. But fornication [Πορνεία] and all uncleanness or covetousness [πλεονεξία], let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light” (NKJV)

  • Revelation 21:7-8 "He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son. But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral [πόρνοις], sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death."

  • And that’s just the New Testament. The Old Testament would make a longer list. There should be no question that everything outside of the holy and precious sexuality of one-man-married-to-one-woman-for-life, that all forms of sexual immorality make God especially angry – angry enough to cast people into hell forever, so there must be zero tolerance among God’s people for it, and where we find violations of the seventh com­mandment, we need to apply God’s law and grace to the situation relentlessly until there is either repentance or excommunication. We must not say, “boys will be boys” and ignore it.

  • “[T]hough men may make light of it, God will judge and punish such as commit it, both in this life, with diseases, poverty, and disgrace, and in the world to come, at the great day of account; for however secretly it may be committed, God, who is omniscient, sees it, and will bring it into judgment; nor shall any be able to escape the righteous judgment of God...” ~John Gill, 1766 (cf. 1 Thess. 4:4-7)

• So how do we positively honor marriage?

  • First, we must study what God’s word says about marriage, how it was created by God and called “good” and encouraged by Him in Genesis 1 and 2 – and by Jesus in Matthew 19, and we must set our minds to believe it against all the propaganda that the world throws at us.

    • This is deadly serious and will require tremendous mental effort. Our culture is completely infiltrated with anti-Biblical philosophy that has infected almost every aspect of our lives.

    • For instance, we talk about “having sex,” but that is not even a Biblical idea. Love is not something we get; it is not about an existential experience; it is about something we give unselfishly for the benefit of the beloved. It is going to take systematic work to reform our pornified way of thinking – and even talking – about love and marriage.

  • Then we must act in ways that demonstrate honor to the estate of marriage, such as:

    • welcoming the formalities of weddings, just as Jesus did in John 2,

    • having nothing to do with books and movies that glamorize adultery,

    • speaking of your spouse and your marriage in reverent tones rather than making them the butt of jokes and complaints, marriage should be held in honor in ALL that you do and say².

    • saying No to things that make you too busy for time alone together with your spouse,

    • taking a serious interest in the relationships your children develop, to show them the seriousness of their future marriages,

    • and making a big deal of 50^th wedding anniversaries.

• Now, in v.5 we move beyond the marriage relationship to the rest of the way you conduct your life, once again with positive and negative commands:

v.5 Your lifestyle should be without fondness for money, content­ing yourselves with the things that have come along, for He Him­self has said, “{I} shall never let go of you, neither shall {I ever} forsake you.”

• Your τρόπος/way-of-life/conversation/conduct/character/disposition should be Α-φιλ-άργυρος, literally “without fondness for silver,” thus “free from love of money” or “without covetousness.”

• “Jesus said, ‘You cannot serve God and Mammon.’ But the Pharisees were lovers of money [φιλάργυροι]... and they ridiculed Him.” (Luke 16:14, NAW)

• 2 Timothy 3:1-5 But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money [φιλάργυροι], boasters, proud, blasphem­ers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away!" (NKJV)

• This is such an important principle that God forbids any man from being an elder in the church if he is a lover of money in 1 Timothy 3:3.

• The converse of being over-fond of making money is expressed in the next phrase: ἀρκού­μενοι τοῖς παρ­οῦσιν/contenting yourselves with the things that have come along/being content with what [you] have:

  • The idea is that the things currently existing around you are God’s provision for you, so they should be enough to meet your needs today. If you need more tomorrow, you can ask for your daily bread tomorrow, and God will make sure that what is available to you tomorrow is sufficient for tomorrow’s needs (cf. Phil. 4:19, Matt. 6:25-34).

  • Just as confronting the pornification of our society takes concerted mental effort to unravel the warped ideas that have become ingrained at practically every level of life, so confronting the violations of the tenth commandment in our culture will take tremendous amounts of work, because we are immersed in materialistic consumerism. Everything is tied to advertising, and advertising is all about getting you to want what you do not have so that you will buy more.

    • People drive down the highway and read a furniture store sign that says, “Are your lights making your home look dated?” and, for the first time in their lives, it occurs to them that the lighting in their home might have become unfashionable. “Wow, are there people who see my house and think, ‘Eww, that looks so 90’s!’ I’d better buy some lights that look - at least - 21^st Century.” Suddenly they are experiencing a “need” for more lights despite the fact that the lights they already have are perfectly functional.

    • It happens at the grocery store: Some product is touched up with food coloring to make it look vivid - and with gelatin to make it look shiny, and with flavor additives to overwhelm taste buds, and blown up larger-than-life in a photograph dangled tantalizingly before you as you push your shopping cart down the aisle, and, although you know you can get a fine meal when you get home, suddenly you are gnawingly hungry for that product which stands before you in the store.

    • It also happens with relationships, as we saw in v.4. Every day we see folks of the opposite sex at work, in ad’s, and in movies - all packaging themselves to be attract­ive to you, and if you don’t guard your heart against covetousness, you won’t enjoy the blessing of marriage and generations of children.

    • The love of money also fuels workaholism, where men neglect their families to log insane numbers of hours at their job, then they pressure their wife to find employment outside the home in order to make even more money.

  • How can you cultivate contentment? Let me suggest two principles:

    • First, take things one day at a time. Jesus taught us to pray for our “daily bread,” so ask yourself, “Do I have what I need for today?” Then reassure yourself, “I have what I need today, so I’m o.k.”

    • Second, thank God for what He has provided. Everything you have is a gift from Him. Rather than complaining about what you don’t have, focus on thanking God for what you do have; that will be a huge game-changer for your attitude.

  • The Apostle Paul exhorted his protegé in 1 Timothy 6:6-11 "[G]odliness with content­ment is great gain... And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content [ἀρκεσθησόμεθα]. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness." (NKJV)

  • Now, the only way we can arrive in our minds at a place of contentment is if we can arrive at the place of trusting God to provide our daily bread.³

    • If we feel insecure and uncertain about the future, we go into self-protection mode and focus on what we think will bring us more security in the future – which is usually either making more money or making more friends from whom we can call in favors.

    • This doesn’t help, because money and people are not failsafe means of security. Investments can be lost in a heartbeat; friends can turn against you.

    • Jesus is the only one who never fails; He alone can give you security that is rock-solid and trustworthy for the rest of your life.

• The last phrase of verse 5 gets to the motivation behind loving money: “For [God] Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you, neither will I forsake you.’”

  • This quote is adapted from Deuteronomy 31:6-8, where Moses told the people of Israel, “‘Be courageous and strong, fear not, neither be cowardly, neither be afraid before them [the Canaanites]; for it is the Lord your God that advances with you in the midst of you, neither will he by any means forsake thee, nor desert thee.’ [Then] Moses called Joshua, and said to him before all Israel, ‘Be courageous and strong; for thou shalt go in before this people into the land which the Lord sware to your fathers to give to them, and thou shalt give it to them for an inheritance. And the Lord that goes with thee shall not forsake thee nor abandon thee; fear not, neither be afraid.’” (Brenton, cf. Josh. 1:5; 1Chr. 28:20)

  • The oldest-recorded commentary on this passage in Hebrews talks about the mental battle: "What if (you might say) we should not have a supply even of [what is necessary and indispensable]? This is not possible; indeed it is not. 'For He hath said,' and He doth not lie, 'I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee...' Thou hast the promise from Himself: do not doubt henceforward. He has promised; make no question...” ~Chrysostom

  • If God is the all-powerful and good Creator of all things, as the Bible says He is, and if He will never abandon or let go of you, then you don’t need to be afraid of anything. You are in good hands⁴: “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want” (Psalm 23:1). I don’t have to work more hours in a panic to secure my future for myself; I don’t have to buy more things out of a crisis of feeling unfulfilled.

  • Remember that the word “forsake⁵” was spoken by Jesus on the cross: "My God, my God, why did you forsake me?" (Matthew 27:46) Because Jesus experienced being forsaken by God on my behalf on the cross, I will not be forsaken. He will never leave or forsake me. “...I will fear no evil: for thou art with me… Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.” (Psalm 23:4 & 6) That kind of faith is the source of contentment.

v.6 Thus we have courage to say, “The Lord is a helper to me, so I will not be frightened by what man will do to me.”

• The switch from second person to first person is curious here, especially since the verb seems to be missing. The last verb in the first person was at the end of chapter 12, verse 28 (“let us have gratitude, receiving an unshakeable kingdom”). Perhaps the verb “let us have” from back there could also be supplied here in Hebrews 13:6 “[let us have] courage.”

  • In the Old Testament, when the Israelites were in a panic at the edge of the Red Sea with Pharaoh’s chariots bearing down on them, Moses said: "Be of good courage [θαρσεῖτε]: stand and see the salvation which is from the Lord, which he will work for us this day; for as ye have seen the Egyptians to-day, ye shall see them again no more for ever." (Exodus 14:13, Brenton)

  • In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul gives us grounds for having the same courage/ confidence/boldness: 2 Corinthians 5:4-8⁶ "...mortality [shall] be swallowed up by life... God... has given us the Spirit as a guarantee. So we are always confident [Θαρροῦντες], knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight. We are confident [θαρροῦμεν], yes, well-pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord." (NKJV)

• There is a parallel in the Greek wording of Heb. 13:6, which doesn’t come through in most English translations, in the repeated word μοι (“to me”): God is a helper to me... what can man do to me? - or “...what man shall do to me” (It can legitimately be interpreted as either a statement or a question.) - but either way, it makes for a stark contrast between God and man.

  • Also, the Greek wording doesn’t emphasize so much what God and man are capable of doing; rather it emphasizes that what God currently IS makes anything in the future that man WILL do unimportant.

• This is actually a quote of Psalm 118:5 “I called on the Lord out of affliction: and he hearkened to me, so as to bring me into a wide place. The Lord is my helper; and I will not fear what man shall do to me. The Lord is my helper; and I shall see my desire upon mine enemies. It is better to trust in the Lord than to trust in man. It is better to hope in the Lord, than to hope in princes” (Psalm 118:5-9 Brenton).

• This word for “helper” shows up throughout the Greek Old Testament, primarily to denote an ally who helps soldiers win against their enemies. It’s also the word chosen to describe Eve when she was created. And Moses and David (and others) used the word to describe God as well, with synonyms like “strength” and “refuge.”

  • What does God’s “help” look like? Psalm 145:5-8 "Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help [βοηθός], Whose hope is in the LORD his God, Who made heaven and earth, The sea, and all that is in them; Who keeps truth forever, Who executes justice for the oppressed, Who gives food to the hungry. The LORD gives freedom to the prisoners. The LORD opens the eyes of the blind; The LORD raises those who are bowed down; The LORD loves the righteous.” (NKJV)

• In the immediate context of this epistle to the first century Hebrews, it was important for believers to keep trusting Jesus rather than being frightened back into Christless Judaism by threats of persecution.

  • They needed to get to the point where they could say, “It doesn’t matter what anybody is going to do to me – criticise me, discriminate against me, persecute me, kill me, what­ever; Jesus is a mighty, effective ally to me, so I will continue to trust Him and be con­fident that everything’s gonna be alright!”

  • As the Puritan commentator Matthew Henry put it: "Men can do nothing against God, and God can make all that men do against his people to turn to their good."

• Today there are places around the world where this message is still very applicable, but what about in places like ours where Christians aren’t really persecuted?

  • Remember that the operative resolution is, “I will not fear.” So, let me ask, “Is there anything in your life which strikes fear into your heart?” If so, there is your battleground to fight fear with faith in Jesus. “The Lord is a helper to me who will never let go and forsake me, so I will not be frightened by what man will do to me.”

    • I will not fear what my wife may do to me.

    • I will not fear what my parents may do to me.

    • I will not fear what my brother or sister or friend may do to me.

    • I will not fear what my professor may do to me.

    • I will not fear what my co-workers may do to me.

    • I will not even fear what Big Government may do to me.

    • "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31b, NKJV)

CONCLUSION

• If you have the heart of the matter settled that you can trust Jesus to be your helper who will never forsake you, then you can enjoy doing marriage the way Jesus taught, and you can work your job heartily as unto Him and kiss discontentment goodbye!

APPENDIX: Greek Text & English Versions of Hebrews 13:4-6^A