2 Samuel 3:1-21 – David’s House Grows

Translation & Sermon by Nate Wilson for Christ The Redeemer Church, Manhattan, KS, 23 Jan. 2022

Introduction

• The theme of this passage is about how David increased. We see him increasing the size of his house through marriage, through childbearing, and through political alliances. Each of these things is a legitimate way to grow your influence, but David presents us with a mixed bag of good and bad as he grows in these three ways. Job 17:9 tells us that “the righteous will hold to [God’s] way, And he who has clean hands will be stronger and stronger,” so let’s examine God’s word in this story to learn the positive and negative lessons it teaches so we too can grow stronger.

• Read my translation of the passage: Now, the war was long between the house of Saul and the house of David, but David actually got stronger as he went along, whereas the house of Saul actually got weaker as it went along. And sons were born to David in Hebron, namely, there was his firstborn, Amnon (by Achinoam the Jezreelitess), then his second, {Daliah} (by Abigail {} the Carmelitess), then the third, Absalom (son of Maakah, daughter of Talmai, King of Geshur), then the fourth, Adonijah (son of Haggith), then the fifth, Shepatiah ({by} Abital), then the sixth, Ithream (by Eglah, a wife of David). These were born to David in Hebron. Now, while the war continued between the house of Saul and the house of David, Abner meanwhile had been making himself powerful within the house of Saul. Now, there belonged to Saul a concubine, Ritspah, daughter of Aiah. And {Ish-bosheth, son of Saul} said to Abner, “Why did you go in to the concubine of my father?!” And Abner was greatly incensed over the words of Ish-bosheth, and said {to him}, “Am I the head of a dog which belongs to Judah? Today I’m performing kindness with the house of Saul your father {and} to his brothers and {} friend{s} – and have not let you be found in the control of David, yet you hold over me accountability for the iniquity of this woman today?! May God do thus to Abner and add moreso to him if I don’t perform for David exactly what is in accordance with what Yahweh swore to him, to transfer the kingdom from the house of Saul and to set up the throne of David over Israel and over Judah from Dan even to Beer Sheba!” And {Ish-Bosheth} was not able to make a comeback in word again to Abner because he was afraid of him. Abner then sent messengers under him to speak to David saying, “To whom does the land belong? Contract your covenant with me, and look, my hand will be with you to turn all {the house of} Israel to you!” So he said, “Good! As for me, I will contract a covenant with you. However, there is one thing which I am asking of you: I’m saying that you will not see my face unless {} you bring Michal Bat Saul when you come to see my face.” David also sent messengers to Saul’s son Ish-bosheth to say, “Please give {me} my wife Mikal, whom I betrothed to myself with a hundred Philistine foreskins.” And Ish-Bosheth sent [a delegation] and took her away from {her} husband – away from Paltiel son of Laish. However, her husband went with her, {} weeping behind her as far as Bakhurim. Then Abner said to him, “Go, return!” And he returned. Presently, Abner spoke with the elders of Israel, saying, “Both the last time and the time before, y’all were seeking David to be king over you, so now do this! Yahweh has spoken to David saying, ‘It is by the hand of my servant David that {I will} save my people Israel from the control of the Philistines, and from the control of all their enemies.’” Then Abner also spoke into the ears of the Benjamites, and then Abner went to speak in the ears of David in Hebron all that was good in the eyes of Israel and in the eyes of all the house of Benjamin. Now when Abner (and the twenty men who were with him) came to David {at} Hebron, David made for Abner (and for the men who were with him) a feast. Then Abner said to David, “Please let me get up and go and assemble all Israel to my master the king, so that they will contract a covenant with you and you will reign in every respect that your soul desires.” So David commissioned Abner, and he went in peace.

vs. 1-5) David’s House Grows Through Children

1. His firstborn was Amnon by Achinoam the Jezreelitess, his name means “faithful,” but he abused his half-sister Tamar, so her brother Absolom killed him.

2. David’s second was {Daliah} [also known as “Kileab” or “Abia” in the more recent manuscripts, and he is called “Daniel” in the parallel passage in 1 Chron. 3]. His mother was Abigail the Carmelitess – Nabal’s widow. Daniel means “God is my judge,” and Kileab means, “Father’s restraint.” This son is never mentioned again, so he may have died young.

3. The third was Absalom. His name means, “father of peace,” but he was anything but peace to David. He was the son of Maakah, daughter of the King of Geshur, Geshur¹ being a small kingdom in the Bashan highland along the East side of the Lake of Galilee. The Israelites had never managed to conquer it (Deut. 3:14), but apparently David arranged some sort of political treaty with the king of Geshur (involving marrying his daughter) while David was in Hebron. The son of that marriage, Absolom, grew up and got crosswise with David, went into exile for a time to hang out with his mom’s family back in Geshur (2 Sam. 15:8), then tried to come back and usurp David’s throne, and he died in the battle against David.

4. The fourth son, Adonijah (by David’s wife Haggith), also tried to usurp David and take the throne, but Solomon had him put to death for treason. His name means “Yahweh is my master.”

5. The fifth, Shepatiah (by Abital), whose name means “The LORD has judged,” we never hear from again (although there were others in the Bible with that name).

6. And the sixth son was Ithream (by Eglah, a wife of David), and his name meant “surplus/remainder of the people.” He was so obscure that the Easton Bible Dictionary didn’t even have an entry for him!

• David went to Hebron with two wives, and then, seven and a half years later, came out with six wives plus Micah (his first wife that he had lost). He’s getting married again like every other year.

• And a couple of chapters later (2 Sam. 5:13) we read that “David took even more concubines and wives from Jerusalem, after he had come from Hebron. And even more sons and daughters were born to David.”

• Having children is certainly the Biblical way to build a house and a legacy in this world

  • From the beginning, God told Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply,”

  • And David’s son Solomon affirmed in Psalms 127 & 128 that “Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it... children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them… Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine In the very heart of your house, Your children like olive plants All around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed Who fears the LORD... Yes, may you see your children's children….” (NKJV)

  • Your children (and your disciples) are the only things you can invest in that will last forever. Everything else will dissapear in time, so if you want to make a strong impact in this world, have children and make disciples!

• BUT, marrying lots of women is not the way God told us to build a house.

  • God created marriage in Genesis 2 to be for one man and one woman, and Jesus affirmed God’s one-man-one-woman design in the Gospels by quoting Gensis².

  • What David did was dysfunctional, and it shows in his children. You would think that with seven sons in seven years, David would be set with an abundance of heirs, but no, three of them disappeared from history, never to be considered as heirs, and the other three all got themselves killed fighting over who would be king next.

  • The throne and the privelege of being a forefather to the Messiah were not to be given to the oldest or strongest or most popular, but rather to Solomon, the son of Bathsheeba who was born much later.

  • Don’t ever fall for the ridiculous lie that marrying someone other than the one you’re already married to will ever make you happier. It won’t. That’s the way God made it to be. Invest in one spouse and welcome children into your house. That’s one of the most basic ways to grow.

• In vs. 6-7, it appears that Abner, the army general for David’s rival King Ishbosheth, was also trying to build his house by having a child³ by means of Ritspah, one of the concubines married to the former King Saul.

  • There was a pagan tradition that the new king could take over ownership of the previous king’s wives and concubines, so Ishboseth was upset at Abner, because, although a woman whose husband has died is free to remarry, and it wasn’t a moral crime, it was nevertheless an attempt to claim the rights of a king, so it was a threat to Ishbosheth’s kingship.

vs.13-16) David’s House Grows By Reclaiming the Wife Of His Youth

• Closely related to the increase of having children is the increase of getting married. Despite the bad example of David in taking many wives, his outstanding demand upon entering into Kingship to get back the wife of his youth is a good example.

• In 1 Samuel 18:25ff, King Saul had told David that if he paid “a dowry of a hundred Philistine foreskins” he could have Michal’s hand in marriage, so David had made good on the deal and even paid double for good measure, and “Saul gave his daughter Michal to him to be his wife.”

  • But, as far as we know from the Biblical account, the last time David had seen Michal was back in 1 Sam. 19:12, a few years ago, when Saul’s hit men had staked out David’s apartment, “and Michal let David out the back window, and he... escaped.”

• Then, in 1 Samuel 25:44, Saul, out of spite toward David, “gave his daughter Michal – David's wife – to Palti…” (short for Paltiel).

  • Saul egregiously broke God’s laws of marriage by taking Michal away from David and giving her to Paltiel instead, so there were deep emotional and legal grievances which David sought to address in demanding his wife back.

  • Earlier in 1 Samuel 18:20, we read that David and Michal loved each other, so this was not an arranged marriage, this was for love, and Michal was David’s first wife, the wife of his youth. There was a far more special bond between them than there could have been with the subsequent wives David added later to his harem.

• There were also probably some political reasons for getting Michal back:

  • Perhaps David is one-upping Abner, “You took King Saul’s concubine, but Saul gave me the princess, so I’m the rightful king.” Notice he doesn’t say, “Bring my wife Michal,” he says, “Bring Saul’s Daughter Michal back to me, or this deal is off.”

  • Perhaps David is also wanting to prevent Paltiel from making any claims to the throne based on his marriage to princess Michal.

• Paltiel’s grief over Abner’s removal of Michal from his home is pitiful, as he walked the 30-40 miles from his home in Gallim near the Jezreel Valley down along the Jordan River to Jericho and up into the Judean hills to the border between Israel and Judah, behind Michal, weeping all the way, but it was really Paltiel’s fault for marrying Michal in the first place. Michal was David’s wife, and Paltiel committed adultery by taking her as his wife.

  • Proverbs 6 exhorts us to think twice before messing with another man’s wife: “Can a man take fire to his bosom, And his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, And his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; Whoever touches her shall not be innocent... Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, And his reproach will not be wiped away. For jealousy is a husband's fury; Therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He will accept no recompense, Nor will he be appeased though you give many gifts.” (Proverbs 6:27-35, NKJV)

  • Paltiel should have been thinking about God’s blessings for integrity in the long run rather than lusting after this woman and lusting after the money and influence that would come to him in the short run as a result of taking Saul’s daughter. His grief was his own fault.

• At the same time it must be admitted that David and Michal could have done a better job of preserving and maintaining their marriage in the first place.

  • It’s not like David didn’t have the military wherewithal to kidnap her back,

  • and it’s not like David couldn’t have a wife while he was in exile, because we know he had two other wives living with him during his exile!

  • But at least David appears to be doing the right thing to reclaim and restore that fundamentally-important relationship, and that is commendable, whatever his other failures.

• This is a lesson for all of us who are married.

  • Don’t ever take your spouse for granted! And if you have neglected that relationship, now is the time to re-prioritize it! Show him, show her how important they are to you by reorganizing your time to be with them, tell them how important they are to you, and redouble your efforts to understand and meet their needs.

  • Your spouse is going to still be your roommate long after all your children have gone and left you with an empty nest. Only the first half of your married life is about raising children, make sure that when you get to the second half of your marriage, you still have a marriage to enjoy for a few more decades!

• In v. 14 David also communicates with Mikal’s brother, Ish-Bosheth, to demand his wife back.

  • Perhaps the custom of David’s day was the same as in modern middle-eastern culture, where the brother of the bride plays a key role - not only in arranging marriage but also - in providing accountability for the integrity of the marriage.

  • And also, since Ish-Bosheth had been instated as a king, and since David knew Abner had gone rogue, David was being sure to work the proper legal channels to appeal his case to the king rather than trying to go behind the king’s back with Abner to get justice done.

    • Notice that it is King Ishbosheth to whom this action of justice is credited: he sent Abner to take her away from Paltiel.

  • This, of course, played right into Abner’s plan to defect to David, as it gave Abner a plausible reason, in Ish-Bosheth’s eyes, to visit David and defect to him.

vs. 6-12 & 17-21) David’s House Grows By Military Alliance

• This leads us to the third way that David’s power grew, and that was through the surprising defection of King Ishbosheth’s army general, Abner.

• God works in mysterious ways, even through leaders who are not godly, and such seems to be the case with Abner. Verse six introduces this development where King Ishbosheth tries to call Abner on the carpet for messing with king Saul’s harem, and Abner gets mad and tells him that he will work just as hard to get David in control as he had previously been working to keep Ishbosheth out of David’s control.

  • Abner’s insubmissive attitude toward authority which caused him to explode at the king when the king called him down on something is wicked. Holding oneself unaccountable to authority is a form of pride, and God hates pride.

  • Furthermore, Abner’s attitude toward Ritspah is just as cold and callous as he is later to Michel and Paleiel when he breaks up their marriage. He won’t even say her name; he just calls her “the woman.” This is not the way a godly leader treats women.

  • Abner is also foolishly prideful in thinking that he, by his own cunning and power is the determining factor in whether or not God’s oath to David will be fulfilled. He thinks he can control who will be king, but God laughs at such arrogance and uses Abner as a pawn anyway to accomplish His divine will.

• It is interesting to hear Abner admit to Ishbosheth that Yahweh had promised the kingdom to David. What was it that convinced Abner that it was God’s will for David to be king?

  • The quote that Abner gives does not match any prophecies we have regarding David, but it does match closely the prophecy given to Samuel regarding Saul: 1Sam. 9:16 "...anoint him [Saul] to preside over my people Israel, and he will bring about the salvation of my people from the control of the Philistines..." (NAW)

  • Psalm 89 mentions the covenant (v.3) God made with David and his anointing (v.20) to make him king, so there were prophecies regarding David, and it appears that Abner had heard something of them and peiced them together to form his conclusion.

• David’s power grew not only through the defection of Abner to him, but also through many other representatives of all the tribes of Israel who came over to him. God orchestrated all of this to grow David’s influence “according to the word of the LORD.”

• 1 Chronicles 12:23-40 fills in these details: Now these were the numbers of the divisions that were equipped for war, and came to David at Hebron to turn over the kingdom of Saul to him, according to the word of the LORD: of the sons of Judah bearing shield and spear, six thousand eight hundred armed for war; of the sons of Simeon, mighty men of valor fit for war, seven thousand one hundred; of the sons of Levi four thousand six hundred; Jehoiada, the leader of the Aaronites, and with him three thousand seven hundred; Zadok, a young man, a valiant warrior, and from his father's house twenty-two captains; of the sons of Benjamin, relatives of Saul, three thousand (until then the greatest part of them had remained loyal to the house of Saul); of the sons of Ephraim twenty thousand eight hundred, mighty men of valor, famous men throughout their father's house; of the half-tribe of Manasseh eighteen thousand, who were designated by name to come and make David king; of the sons of Issachar who had understanding of the times, to know what Israel ought to do, their chiefs were two hundred; and all their brethren were at their command; of Zebulun there were fifty thousand who went out to battle, expert in war with all weapons of war, stouthearted men who could keep ranks; of Naphtali one thousand captains, and with them thirty-seven thousand with shield and spear; of the Danites who could keep battle formation, twenty-eight thousand six hundred; of Asher, those who could go out to war, able to keep battle formation, forty thousand; of the Reubenites and the Gadites and the half-tribe of Manasseh, from the other side of the Jordan, one hundred and twenty thousand armed for battle with every kind of weapon of war. All these men of war, who could keep ranks, came to Hebron with a loyal heart, to make David king over all Israel; and all the rest of Israel were of one mind to make David king. And they were there with David three days, eating and drinking, for their brethren had prepared for them. Moreover those who were near to them, from as far away as Issachar and Zebulun and Naphtali, were bringing food on donkeys and camels, on mules and oxen; provisions of flour and cakes of figs and cakes of raisins, wine and oil and oxen and sheep abundantly, for there was joy in Israel. (NKJV)

• In v.12 of 2 Samuel 3, Abner sends legates to David soliciting a federation between David and Abner. And while covenants are a Biblical way to go about political things, there are nevertheless several problems with Abner’s proposal:

  • First of all, he is acting on his own authority and not upon the authority of his king. He has become a rogue actor, and while he surely had military power, he was not handling political processes in a Biblical way with submission to authority. This man who doesn’t even have the anointing of a king treats Ish-bosheth as an inferior and treats David as an equal.

  • Secondly, note Abner’s opening question: “To whom does this land belong?” The follow-up proposal makes it clear that Abner believes that the northern tribes belong to him and that Judah belongs to David. He assumes that political influence is what it’s all about, but he is dead wrong. The land belongs to Yahweh, “The earth is the LORD’s,” and God said over and over again in the Pentateuch that the promised Land was given by Him to Israel, it wasn’t owned by any man, and it is Yahweh’s ultimate will that only His anointed reign over it.

  • Finally, note that Abner is offering a compromise with David. This would not be full authority for David to be king, it would be an alliance of shared regency with Abner, predicated on the assumption that Abner held the power over the northern tribes, when the truth was that God Himself held all the power, and God’s will was - not for a compromise with a worldly potentate but - for His anointed to be king over all His people.

  • This strategy of Abner encouraging God’s anointed to forget God and think in terms of earthly power and to compromise God’s will in order to get power is consistent with the diabolical strategy I noted in Abner in the last chapter in regards to Asahel.

  • Nevertheless, God uses even the wicked to fulfill His purposes, and God used Abner to grow David’s kingdom.

• In v.17 and following, Abner capitalized on the growing popularity of David’s kingship among the northern tribes of Israel by meeting with them and talking them into joining with David.

  • In vs. 17-18, Abner meets with the elders of Israel, it seems, while en route with Mikal to create his confederation with David, observing that these elders from the tribes of Ephraim and Mannasseh have been interested in the past in David, and that now is the time to act. He further adds that a prophecy has been made about David being the one who would save Israel from the Philistines and all her other enemies.

    • In 1 Samuel 4:3, those same elders had said, “Let's take the ark of the covenant of Yahweh... and let it ... save us from the grasp of our enemies!"⁴ But the Philistines had conquered them and taken the ark.

    • In 1 Samuel 7:8, the people of Israel had cried out to God for salvation from the hand of the Philistines⁵ again, and then in 1 Samuel 9:16-17, God revealed Saul as one who would “bring about the salvation of my people from the control of the Philistines, for [God said,] I have regarded the {lowliness of} my people, since its cry has come to me.”⁶ Saul had some success, but he too failed and was conquered by the Philistines.

    • The people were still looking for the anointed one to come who would save them - not only from the Philistines but - from all their enemies. The fulfillment could never come from a mere man, it only comes in Jesus, the Anointed One, but David was the next fulfillment of the people’s prayer for salvation. He was a typological “anointed one” pointing to Jesus.

    • The wording of the prophecy Abner quotes (assuming he is not just making it up, which would be a risky thing to do in front of a group of elders) is most similar to the oracle which David received in 1 Samuel 23 when the Lord said, "Go and conduct a strike among the Philistines, and save Q'eilah…. for I am giving the Philistines into your hand/control." (vs. 2b & 4b, NAW)

    • I suppose it is also possible that God had revealed this word to Abner, for this is the first time in the Bible that the phrase “my servant David” occurs, a phrase which is repeated often in Scripture going forward.

    • David would indeed fulfill that promise to the extent that a mortal man could do so. In 1 Chron. 18:1 we read that David even conquered the Philistine capitol of Gath⁷, and in 2 Sam. 19:9, the people will testify that David delivered them “from the hand of the Philistines and from the hand of all [their] enemies.⁸” Prophecy fulfilled!

• In v.19, Abner negotiates with the tribe of Benjamin in particular, perhaps because they might be slower to let go of the political power that their tribe had enjoyed under Saul and Isbosheth, who were of their tribe.

• Finally, after gathering from the northern Israelite tribes and from the ruling tribe of Benjamin what all they would want in a covenant with David, Abner showed up in Hebron (presumably with David’s wife Mikal) and told David everything that the other tribal leaders wanted, so that David could draw up a national covenant that would be satisfactory to all.

• David apparently agreed to it all and sealed the covenant relationship by sharing dinner with Abner and his cohort.

• Abner was then to carry back to the tribal leaders the new national covenant for their ratification which would make David king over all Israel, and, of course, would make Abner commander-in-chief of the army, with all the perks that would go along with that.

• But God had other plans. In the rest of the chapter, God will show that He can fulfill his promise to David without Abner’s help, but that’s a story for another time!

Conclusion

• God gave increase to David through children, through restoring his first marriage, and through the defection of his enemies over to him. David bungled a lot of those blessings, but we can learn from his failures too.

• But David was not the ultimate point of this story; David was meant to point to Jesus Christ who would not fail in His relationships and who was to become the everlasting King to take over David’s throne permanently.

  • Christ, of course never took a wife and never physically fathered children, but He did made disciples and He made us children of God, and He has promised to take the entire church as his bride, a bride that He paid the price of His own death on the cross in order to get, a bride He will never forsake nor neglect. And Christ called us to image forth His kind of love through the institution of marriage:

    • “Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her... ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.’ This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” (Eph. 5:24-32, NKJV)

    • It’s also in the Old Testament book of Malachi: “the LORD has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence, Says the LORD of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously. (Malachi 2:14-16, NKJV)

    • Those same books of Ephesians and Malachi say not only to prioritize your marriage, but also that the “hearts of the fathers should be turned toward their children,” to “raise children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Is that the direction where your heart is turned? May God increase the marriages and households in our church!

  • Christ is building a kingdom that is growing far bigger and stronger than David’s kingdom ever got.

    • The prophet Isaiah said of Jesus that “of the increase of His kingdom there will be no end,” and the angel Gabriel told Mary that Jesus “will be great, and will be called the Son of the Highest; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David.” (Luke 1:32, NKJV)

    • People from every tribe and tongue and nation (Rev. 5:9) are defecting from the kingdom of darkness to call Jesus their Lord.

    • If you have not yet bowed to Jesus as your forever king, do so now before it’s too late and you perish in the way. (Psalm 2)

    • I can’t help but think of comparisons between Abner’s conversion from supporting Saul and Ishbosheth to instead supporting David as the Lord’s anointed, and the conversion of Saul of Tarsus in Acts 9 from supporting the man-centered Judaism of the Pharisees to becoming one of the most outspoken Christians the world has ever known, seeking to win all the nations to the belief that Jesus is the Christ, the Lord’s Anointed One. If God can convert Abner and Paul, He can convert anybody!

    • And He invites us to participate with Him in the conversion process. Are you recruiting others to become followers of Jesus (kind of like Abner did)? Let me close with the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 1:23-31 “we are preaching a Christ who has been crucified – to Jews a stumbling-block, and stupidity to Gentiles, but to them – the called ones (both Jews and Greeks) – Christ, the power of God and the wisdom of God, because the stupidity of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For y'all see your calling, brothers, that not many were wise according to the flesh, not many were powerful, not many were upper-class. But it was the stupid ones of the world God chose for Himself in order that He might put down the strength of the wise men, and it was the weak ones of the world God chose for Himself in order that He might put down the strength of the strong, and the ones without class of the world and the ones that have been despised God chose for Himself and the ones who do not exist in order that He might put out of commission the ones that do exist, so that all flesh might not boast before the face of God. Now it is from Him that you have existence in Christ Jesus, who became wisdom to us from God and also righteousness, holiness, and redemption, in order that, just as it has been written, ‘The one who boasts in the Lord, let him keep boasting!’”

2 Samuel 03:1-21 - Side-by side comparison of versions^A